It is an initiation into adulthood, and that is a problem!
But, dear parents, your child doesn’t suddenly grow up after the saat pheras. They are no less of an adult before or without ever saying their wedding vows. Marriage should not be a passage into adulthood, but on the contrary, a decision taken only once you have learnt all the other ropes of being a grown up. It’s time we all stopped to think about what adulthood and marriage really mean.
Being an adult means:
1. Taking care of your daily needs
2. Being able to control your emotions, and keeping them from hurting other people
3. Being able to take mature and responsible decisions
4. Not being impulsive about things
5. Knowing how to run a house
6. Being able to communicate well, and clearly
7. Being self-aware and understanding who you are
8. Understanding that things change
9. Understanding the importance of commitment - whether that’s to your job, your relationship, or to your own self
10. Being respectful of other people and their needs and boundaries
Marriage means:
1. Having a companion
2. Honouring your commitment to another person
3. Taking care of each other, in whatever way possible
4. Staying together through the ups and downs
5. Maybe raising a family together. Maybe not
From where we see it, adulthood is, in fact, a prerequisite for marriage, rather than the other way around. There is a school of thought that suggests that marriage forces us to grow up, that once we make the commitment, we are compelled to be less impulsive, more responsible, and learn how to communicate and sail through the rough patches. The increasing divorce cases in our generation, and the supremely high number of unhappy marriages in our parents’ generation suggest otherwise. People don’t mature because they are put in a position that they feel unprepared for. People mature because they want to. The former may sometimes be a driving force, for some people. But, it’s a gamble.
Here’s what happens when we get into marriage normalising this gamble, assuming that we will win in the end - we also pawn another person in our game. If someone is not ready for marriage, then that’s that. You should trust your child when they say that, and give them room to grow into finding and loving someone, rather than pushing them to grow up once the deed is done. This will only breed resentment, at the cost of the one they marry.
Perhaps, in your generation, choices were limited. And no, we are not talking about choice of spouse. We’re talking about lifestyle choices… job opportunities were fewer, dating was not a thing, live-in relationships were not accepted, and being single was taboo. Now, we have the freedom to choose the lifestyle we want. There are many single people well past what you would consider marriageable age, who are also well-adjusted and well-functioning adults. They make their own money, take care of their health, have passions they pursue, friends who support and love them. What is lacking is your acceptance of the fact that your child is no longer a child, even if they don’t have a partner.
It’s almost as if your child’s marriage is you passing on your responsibility to another human being. But, what about inculcating self-reliance instead? What about teaching your child to be responsible for themselves? Because that’s what adulthood really means…
Source - I Diva
